Starting Out
So here I am … starting out into something new … moving into territory that feels unknown and unpredictable. The launch of this bereavement service is part of my own ‘next chapter’ of life, and it feels both exciting and daunting in equal measure! Welcome to Next Chapter Bereavement Services; a dedicated service supporting widowed parents and their children.
Whatever a next chapter looks like to you, the thought of starting out into something new often feels overwhelming, terrifying, daunting. And as you and I know, when new starts are forced upon you rather than chosen, (as in the case of partner bereavement), those feelings are multiplied significantly. Young widowhood forces you into that role of solo parent and as a double whammy, you not only have to deal with your own grief, you’re also faced with supporting your children in theirs too. It’s a tough gig that no one willingly signs up for, and it’s understandable that starting out again, after such immense loss, is not something many want (or feel able) to do
And so it was for me. In 2014 my husband Matt died after a 3 year illness with leukaemia. My memories of this time are feelings of fogginess, overwhelm and a rapidly rising sense of panic. I just wanted to shut the world out and hibernate with my son, Harry, who was just 10 when his dad died. And even though Matt had stated very clearly his wish for us both to keep enjoying life; those feelings of uncertainty, devastation and fear lasted for some considerable time. The thought of stepping into anything new was not even on my radar.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it changed … and that’s probably because there wasn’t just ONE moment. Looking back, I think there was probably an accumulation of moments. Grief experts often talk about grief as something that doesn’t become smaller – rather your world around the grief becomes bigger. I’d tend to agree with this because in among all the darkness and grief of those early years, I remember the times of laughter and lightness (I like to call them ‘glimmer’ moments) and as time went on, the balance between the two shifted towards the lightness. I started to realise that a few glimmer moments and then several more can be a powerful force. The sadness doesn’t go, the loss of what could have been doesn’t go … but slowly there’s a recognition that change is a part of life. And with every change and transition there’s also an opportunity for something new, an opportunity for growth.
I believe we all deserve the chance to start again, whatever has happened in our lives, and I feel no different about bereavement. Loss of your life partner is a crushing, devastating blow. It is of course crucial that we spend time acknowledging the painful feelings that arise from this. But at some point I hope you will start to notice the glimmers … and then that you allow them to build … because who knows what new beginnings you might stumble upon if you just allow yourself to be open to them. As I often say to friends as well as clients “there’s room for it all” when it comes to the complex emotions that come with change, especially when it’s bereavement.
So I’m here, on the edge of starting out with this new venture and no idea what comes next. I feel sadness that it was the loss of Matt that has brought me to this point, I feel the fear that I’ll be judged or it won’t work out, but there’s also a rising sense of excitement. And that’s ok – there’s room for it all!
Wherever you are in your bereavement journey, I’d love to support you in starting out into your next chapter 😊
To find out more about what services I offer and how I can help, click here.